Emily Skoler
How did it happen
that all the men in my life
are named David, or Dave, and sign their letters
Fidel, or Shlomo,
or the Reverend MacIntyre?
How is it I get so excited
I forget where I'm going,
or how? My head simply forgets.
But here I am,
just learning to love, and
not just you
after twelve years, not just myself,
or these backyard trees with their lantern-
like white flowers, their leaves the last
of the season to fall.
Not only my students.
Everything.
In general. In perpetuity.
Is the trick simply to see?
Is it simply to try to see?
Tonight you could convince me
love is the mouse
that eats through the potato chip bags
and double-lined cat food sacks,
and makes a lot of noise and shits everywhere,
and won't be caught.
We live with it.
I don't know what I want.
There are bodies I've felt the need
to press myself against.
There are bodies I've regretted.
The wind whistles through a hole in my stomach
and it sounds like a train not slowing
on a pass through some deserted
crossroad in northern Ontario.
I'd like to say snow falls when I imagine touching her,
but I think I'm watching myself again
on the channel that doesn't come in clearly.
I'm terrified of my desire.
I cling to it.
And I was on that train; I was
on that train nearly thinking
about you then. Snow really fell.
Through the whole non-negotiable night.
I got home, couldn't stand my lover's hands on me,
saw you in a bookstore.
One of the Daves can confirm this
from our correspondence at the time.
Why aren't we clouds?
Why aren't we driveway tar?
What's my problem? I want the right of
first refusal; I have
an overactive greed gland.
I'm most alive en-route, driving home
under the city's silver halo.
How did it happen that I have hurt you, my love?
I think I will do it again.
Tables of Content
Seventeen (Fall 2003)
Sixteen (Spring 2003)
Fifteen (Fall 2002) Fourteen (Spring 2002)
Thirteen
(Fall 2001) Twelve (Spring 2001)
Eleven (Fall 2000)
Ten (Spring 2000)
Nine (Fall 1999) Eight (Spring 1999)
Seven, (Fall 1998) Six, (Spring 1998)
Five (Fall 1997) Four (Winter/Spring 1997)
Three (Summer/Fall 1996) Two (Winter 1996)